Whenever you decide to go against the grain and strive to reach some of your loftier goals, you can bet you’re going to come up against a considerable amount of criticism. For you to succeed in reaching these goals, you must learn to deal with this criticism in a healthy and positive way.
1. Give the benefit of doubt. If you have a habit of taking things personally, it means that you’re apt to assume someone is directing some form of aggression towards you when they could be just joking around or having a bad day. It might be your instinct to react emotionally, but pause for a second. Maybe it’s not about you. Learn how to control your emotions. Don’t jump to conclusions.
2. Refocus your attention. When you take things personally, you shift your attention from what someone said or did to how you feel. Unless you move on from that point, it’s likely that you’ll ruminate on the negative feeling and amplify it. Instead, focus on the other person.
- Look at how the person treats others. They might tease or insult everyone they meet. Some people are just antagonistic like that.
- Consider the person’s insecurities. Could they feel threatened by you in some way? If so, don’t feel bad for being your awesome self. Think about how you can help this person feel better about themselves.
- Keep in mind that the other person may have poor communication and emotional management skills. Imagine that there’s an inner child acting out, because the person hasn’t learned how to deal with things in a mature way. It’s much easier to be patient and feel compassionate when you visualize a learning child at the helm of their behavior.
3. Remind yourself that you don’t need anyone’s approval. If you’re especially sensitive to how people treat you and you often overreact, you might have a strong radar for rejection. You worry that you’re doing something wrong if you pick up on any kind of displeasure, and you want to fix it. But just because someone isn’t happy with you doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong. In many cases, it means that person isn’t happy with themselves and expects you to fill in the blanks (which is impossible).
4. Speak up. Let the person know how you are feeling. They might not realize how hurtful or aggressive they seem and how it is affecting you. Use “I” statements. If this is recurring,use nonviolent communication to try to end it and resolve any underlying issues.
5. Stop taking compliments personally, too. If you base your self-worth on how often people compliment and validate you, then you’re allowing others to decide how you feel about yourself. If someone compliments you, it’s no more personal than a direct insult.They’re simply calling it how they see it, and that may or may not be accurate–only you can be the judge of that. If someone compliments you, that doesn’t make you a better person, it makes them a better person because they’re taking the time to be supportive and encouraging. Your value remains unchanged, because it’s something that comes from within.
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history’s shame
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
The Value of Words#
“A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep.”
Happiness depends on…#
A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked. “Who would like this $20 bill?”
Hands started going up. He said, “I am going to give this $20 to one of you – but first, let me do this.”
He proceeded to crumple the 20 dollar note up. He then asked. “Who still wants it?” Still the hands were up in the air.
“Well,” he replied, “what if I do this?” He dropped it on the
ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. “Now, who still wants it?”
Still the hands we20nt into the air.
“My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No
matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless; but no matter what happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.
Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still
priceless to those who love you. The worth of our lives comes, not in what we do or who we know, but by …WHO WE ARE.
You are special – don’t ever forget it.”
Remove yourself from situations or people who doesn’t respect you. Not everyone will get a front-row seat in your life.
Did you take a good look in the mirror today? Did you see a person there you can respect? Self respect is vital to a successful, meaningful life.