The Christmas Gift

[one_half]One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift…The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift. [/one_half][one_half_last]When she asked me why, I replied,  ”Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!” And that’s how the fight started…..[/one_half_last]

Who Wants to Be A Millionaire

[one_half]My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex? ‘No,’ she answered. I then said,[/one_half][one_half_last]‘Is that your final answer? She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’ So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.” And that’s when the fight started…[/one_half_last]

The Dinner Incident

[one_half]I took my wife to a restaurant.   The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. “I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.”[/one_half][one_half_last]He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?” “Nah, she can order for herself.” And that’s when the fight started…..[/one_half_last]

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The Anniversary Gift

[one_half]My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, “I want something shiny [/one_half][one_half_last]that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.” I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started……[/one_half_last]

Applying for Social Security

[one_half]After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.  The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age.I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt [/one_half][one_half_last]revealing my curly silver hair.  She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.  When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.’  And then the fight started…[/one_half_last]

The Compliment

[one_half]My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.  She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.[/one_half][one_half_last] I really need you to pay me a compliment.’  I replied, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”  And then the fight started……..[/one_half_last] [/toggle]